You Are My Sunshine

Yesterdays fluid check

fluid check went fine, she said it's lookin better than it did last week and as usual at fetal medicine they seem to forget theres a baby in there and not just a 'condition' so never got to see his face etc, just quick look at his heartbeat and the the fluid and then it was over, never got to see his face last week after the lung measurements either, disappointing as i guess just gettin to have a wee peek at his beautiful face after things like lung scans would just sort of make it a wee bit 'easier', just hate how he gets treated like a condition rather than a baby, my beautiful, loved so much, wee baby boy.. BUT...

got to talk to Sandra afterwards and was saying to her we never get to see him and as usual, the lovely person she is, offered to take me back through for her to give a quick scan to see him, she's done this a few times, it just helps so much, she's a star,

Mum came with me yesterday so was nice to have her see him as well and i think she was taken with the scan and seeing him etc, he had a full bladder and was flashing his crown jewels lol, kept putting his hand up by his face and generally just looking very cute as usual and i got a pic. She said he's happy in there and doing fine and is a good size, estimating at 7lb 1oz this week, exactly a week before was 6lb 12oz.

Just before leaving i asked if i'd be back there now and she said no, the fetal medicine unit has been a big part of our lives the last few months i think i'll miss it in a weird way, won't miss the fear of the lung measurements etc but still, visited there with Nathan and now with Sunshine, just hope sooooo much we never have to visit that unit with any future pregnancies, if there is any lol

So i'm now 37+3 can't believe we'll be (briefly) meeting our little man for the 1st time in just over a week, so scary, can't believe the time is here, going to miss his cheekiness while safe inside he's such a wee character. Just wish i could be excited about meeting him.

Not sure i'll be updating again before i go in as will be nothing really to report and i'm sitting here as ready as i'll ever be, bags packed etc.

 Thanks to every1 who's following Sunshines journey and for keeping him in thoughts and prayers etc.

Hayley xx

36+2 todays scan etc

scan today went as 'well' as always, along with the MRI results showing still stomach and bowels up in his chest with liver DOWN, LHR in at 2.2, fluid levels are now higher than normal so been told any niggles at all have to go in and checked out and to go back to glasgow in a week to check the levels again to make sure they're not rising too fast. oh and EFW is 6lb 12oz

Had a chat with a consultant paediatrician as well today and he went through everything that would happen with Sunshine from when he was born, very hard hearing a lot of it, i don't like hearing it and don't like talking about it, on the plus side he said we would get to see Sunshine after they got the tubes in straight after he's born and before they rush him to PICU, only if things aren't very serious, though it won't be for long at all it's better than nothing.

Next was a trip to the wing i'll be staying in while there, good thing is there is no babies in it, it's for women who's babies haven't been born yet and for women who's babies aren't with them for whatever reason, so i'm quite glad about that, i already have a baby phobia since Nathan, the PICU will be the closest i've been to babies since Nathan so i'm quite nervous about that.

Next was a trip up to PICU omg that was sooo hard, seeing these tiny babies and all the machines and noises, standing at the door of each room was enough for me i just couldn't go in.

Have been booked in for 2pm on the 10th November, with induction set for the 11th, Ricky's not allowed to stay that 1st night as nothing will be happening, but really don't want to be left on my own :(

and it looks like from the way they were talkin today that we will have to travel back and forward to see Sunshine in the hospital. not sure how i'll cope with that, just want to be with my little boy :(

For My Angels and ALL their Angel Friends

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

would just like to ask every1 to light a candle tonight at 7pm (even if you've never lost a baby) to burn for an hour for all our precious angel babies, as 1 time zone finishes another begins, creating a 'wave of light' for all our angels

i will be lighting mine for 'oor wee jellybean' Nathan born an angel 7th March 2008

and our little lost rainbow 25th November 2008

'always loved, never forgotten'

and for all their angel friends xxx

2nd Steroids and MRI done

So turns out we never got a lung scan yesterday, there wasn't a doctor there qualified to do it, so don't know what happened as was suppose to get it yesterday, we got just a normal quick scan so we could see Sunshine etc after my bad night so least we seen he's ok, doing plenty of practice breathing movements etc and we got a wee picture. Had to get her to stop in the end as had been lying on my back too long and the weight was really bad pushing on me and made me feel extremely sick, she also had a look at his estimated weight which is now 5lb 3oz and said he's measuring ok etc, but she said it looks like theres quite a pocket of fluid gathered now, was sooo hoping this wouldn't happen now as it's fine till now which means Sunshine has been doing exactly what he needs to with it and has been managing it fine, i know the levels can go up and still be within normal range, but just worried this means he's starting to struggle with it now and with being so close to delivery now there's not much time to come back from any reversals.

The MRI went well, wasn't in as long as the last time but now he's bigger he can't move around so much so they get what they need quicker, she said they got some lovely pictures and i was sooo looking forward to seeing them but they brought a baby in an incubator in and i could hear them talkin about were they just going to lift him in the machine and hand bag him etc, i walked past him he was soooo tiny only had like 1 machine with him and that was hard enough seeing that, what am i going to be like seeing my own baby lying there with multiple machines n things attached to him, so i got to see 2 pictures of the top of Sunshines head n couldn't stand there anymore, don't know where the tears came from but they came a lot :( they did apologise saying they should have thought etc, but too late by then it was done so just had to get on with it.

So we now go back in 2 weeks for the results of the MRI and for the lung scan and sort out going in for delivery.

Just going to upload a video of Sunshine moving about my belly, it's not him at his best but it's like he knows everytime i'm trying to film him and he goes quiet so it's the best i've managed to actually film and have been trying for weeks lol.

1st steroids done

was away and had the 2st lot of steroids yesterday, thought that's all i was going for but they put me on the monitor for an hour, but had a sleepy baby so only got few movements. i thought the steroids would be sore because that what every1 says but didnt hurt at all, just the muscle in my leg went numb when she injected it and for a while afterwards. The midwife i seen was really nice and said if need anything or just want to go in for monitoring i've just to phone anytime.

Have been awake on and off most of the night as Sunshine hasn,t had much movement since yesterday, didn't recall feeling any yesterday after the monitoring, till last night after 10 i decided to give him a bit of a jiggle and got a couple, but just didn't feel right/normal. so been worrying all night. Usually if i'm sleeping when Ricky comes to bed he'll cuddle in and lay his hand on bump and Sunshine will be rumbling away quite violently for him, but he said last night he wasn't, though he did feel him move just not the same. Dreading the scan even more today, worried sick, though i'm sure i'm over reacting and he'll be fine.

So we're off to Glasgow today for 2nd lot of steroids, a lung scan and an MRI, will update on these later, so heres to hoping again for more lung growth and that we can see a tiny bit of the left and that nothing else has made it's way into his chest and that the liver is still down.