Tuesday, 30 June 2009

A Dream I Had

i had a dream 19/06/09
I'm not one for dreaming, if i do i never remember, i've never dreamed while pregnant about the baby being born or at home with us etc
There was a baby boy not newly-newborn slightly bigger n really chunky and he was the most amazingly beautiful wee thing i've ever seen and i was holding him n bouncing him up n down n playing with him,making him laugh n cuddling him so much and telling him how special he is and how much I love him, just being a mummy to him and we were callin him the name we've chosen for Sunshine, i hope so much this is a sign that we get to bring Sunshine home and that he WILL be ok.

Full Chromo Results are in

29/06/09 19+6
ok this was yesterday, nearly up to date with everything now lol,
got the call from Elaine at fetal Services to say the full results are in, Sunshines chromos look NORMAL woohoo such a relief, but there's still the query with the Y chromo, worrying as it is no1 seems to know what it could/does mean, we're trying not to worry too much about this as they said it could mean nothing and obviously the CDH is the main worry. have to go for a 'chat' with the consultant about it tomorrow morning and i asked if i can get a scan while i'm there so we're getting to see Sunshine again.
Sunshine now has a little pattern in his movements which is really nice and they're getting stronger all the time now, not little flutters anymore, more like a little elephant thumping away, though that wasn't so funny when he woke me up at 5am the other morning having a party in there, it was nice though because it's the 1st time he's managed to wake me, which means he's getting stronger and i told him he can wake me anytime he likes as long he's ok i don't mind.
So that's us up to date will fill in tomorrow after seen the consultant.

Queen Mothers

16/06/09 18 weeks
We took that familiar drive up to Queen Mothers, it's only about half an hour away but felt like hours. Sat waiting for an hour and a half to be seen, sitting dreading the scan wondering what else it would turn up etc, but got to the point we sat that long we couldn't wait to get it over with.
The scan confirmed left sided CDH, the stomach and part of the bowels are definitely in his chest, from where she was pointing to the kidneys we think they're out of his chest and that was all she could see, have to arrange to go for an MRI scan when i'm 24 weeks so we can see for sure and discuss delivery and while we're there they're going to walk us round the intensive care baby unit, so scared about that but guess we should prepare ourselves as much as we can.
We got to have a chat with a paediatric surgeon who has done many CDH operations, he talked us through everything that could and would happen from the second Sunshine is born, from tubing him so that he can't cry as there's the risk of getting air into his stomach and risk of his lungs bleeding, i'm so scared of another 'silent' birth, with Nathan the silence was horrendous, even though this time we know it's for Sunshines own good, even though we won't get to see him until later it's going to be so hard, but we just want our little man to be ok. He also told us the Uk survival rates were 50% but at his hospital alone it's more like 80% which to us was great news even though there is the other 20% it means Sunshine has a good chance, even just a little chance would be enough, as Nathan never had a chance he wasn't going to survive no matter what any1 did. but obviously the more chance Sunshine has the better.

Then the 'good' ish news, the fast chromo results from the amnio were there, the 3 main chromo problems were clear, which was great to hear as we know 2 of them are compatible with life issues, but however there is a 'query' regarding the Y chromo, this is when we found out Sunshine was a boy as with everything happening we never thought to ask, it suddenly didn't matter anymore.

'THE' scan

12/06/09 17+3, time for the heart scan, the 1 i'd been dreading since the beginning of this pregnancy, the heart looks normal, he 'thinks' he can see 4 chambers, OMG what a relief the heart is fine, we got some lovely views on Sunshine moving around in there, BANG right theres babies chest, and there's babies stomach, see how it's right up there next to where the heart is. I felt my heart sink, wasn't sure what this meant but i knew the stomach wasn't suppose to be up there, that's when he said it 'i think your baby has what's called a Diaphragmatic Hernia.
A what? i'd never heard of it, he finished up the scan and then we went off for a 'chat' about it, where it wasn't explained fully but we got the point, there was a problem, why couldn't this just be easy, we'd already lost 2 we couldn't lose another.
He came back and gave us a picture of Sunshine and we decided to have the amnio done there and then as he advised it as he said it could be linked to a chromosome problem and with having the definite CDH anyway we all need to know exactly what we're facing. They arranged an appointment for us for the Tuesday to go up to the Queeen Mother's fetal medicine unit for another scan to confirm the CDH and go through it with us.
This felt so much like dejavu to 'THAT' scan with Nathan, both were on a friday, both had to wait till monday for confirmation and results etc, and both was the tuesday we were off to Queen Mothers.

Blood Screening Results are back

Well this is where it all began really,10/06/09 i was 17+1 when i got the call from the fetal services midwife at the hospital to tell us the blood results were back and showing high risk for Downs Syndrome 1:158 which for my age etc should be something like 1:1119, devastating news, but i just thought Downs Syndrome isn't a life compatible issue so we'll deal with it, but the worry was the risk of heart problems in Downs Syndrome. Ricky had been working the night before and working that night so as he was in bed sleeping mum came along with me to have a chat about the results and talk about whether to have an amnio or not, but with the 1% risk of miscarriage from it i was against it, as the midwife said there was probably more risk to miscarrying than of actually haveing Downs Syndrome.
So we decided to wait the 2 days until the next scan which was to look at babies heart and see if the consultant could see any more markers for Downs or whether there was problems with the heart before deciding on the amnio.

Hearing the Heartbeat and Feeling movements

15/05/09 my doppler i'd ordered arrived and i couldn't wait to try it out to see how good it was and if i could hear Sunshines heartbeat yet, i was 13+3, and though i had to dig in low i found it, was so excited now i could listen in as often as i wanted to hear that Sunshine was still with us.

it was a few days later 18/05/09 when i 1st felt him, those tickly little flutters, so amazing, now i'd have extra reassurance he was ok.

19/05/09 i finally worked out how to record from the doppler onto my laptop and got a lovely recording of Sunshines heartbeat, which Ricky now has as his text message tone, how sweet, he's so proud of his little Sunshine, i love all my boys so much. Ricky's so much more than any1 could ever want, he's been so strong n brave since we lost Nathan and now this he has no idea how much he keeps me going everyday.

06/06/09 @ 16+4 this is when i started feeling Sunshine's little movements every single day, i just love it, although it's bittersweet thinking back to being pregnant with Nathan.

2nd Scan

We had the 2nd scan on 07/05/09 where we gained an extra 2 days and were now 12+2, our little Sunshine again had a beautiful heartbeat flickering away and was so active, bouncing around, all we were worrying about though was whether the heart was all there or not, wondering everyday if our baby was healthy or would have heart problems like his big brother it's too early to know at this stage though so just kept going trying to enjoy everyday he was with us .

1st Scan

we went off for the 1st scan on 20/04/09, expecting the worst, but we seen a little heartbeat and Sunshine moving around a lot i was dated at 9+4, we were so happy to see that little heartbeat, i didnt look at all until she said she could see the heartbeat, then the tears just streamed. It suddenly became real and that was the day we started daring to dream that we WOULD be taking home a healthy live baby.

Monday, 29 June 2009

Dream Number 3

First of all would like to quickly explain why 'Dream Number 3' in reference to 'our little Sunshine'
we fell pregnant with our 1st much loved and wanted baby in october 2007 after 2 years of tryin so he was our Dream number 1, we found out at the 2nd scan he had a severe Heart problem (HLHS) Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome, his heart was in such a bad mess he had no chance, we decided to let him fly free and Nathan William Joseph Boyd was born sleeping with the Angels on the 7th March 2008,
We dared to dream again when we got pregnant October 2008, conceived a year and 10 days apart from Nathan, went off for an early scan to be told there was no heartbeat, we lost 'our little Rainbow' in November 2008 after the D&C we got a reason for losing, it was a Molar pregnancy, because of this I had to go on a follow up programme to make sure the 'molar' part was at bay, and wasn't to get pregnant for 6 months, my tests continued to come back normal and soon in March 2009 it was Nathans 1st birthday and just after his birthday i had that 'familiar' feeling, tested, it was positive, we started to dream for the 3rd time, 'our little sunshine' everything continued to go ok the scans were showin everything was fine, until the 1 that showed CDH and that's the reason for this blog as we know we have a long journey ahead and even more so once he's born, surgery etc, so thought this would be an easy way to keep every1 updated.


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