Last night was the first time I managed to feel little sunshine wriggling about and kicking inside Hayley's tummy. It felt really strange, yet really good.
I was sitting on the sofa and Hayley lay down next to me and got the doppler thingy out, we had a listen in, (to be honest I struggle to pinpoint him against Hayley's inside 'noises'), but he seemed very active. After listening for a while, Hayley pushed my hand against her tummy and I felt him kick out! I got a wee bit of a shock and pulled my hand away.
It was amazing to feel him, he seems so active. Hayley says he must be on night shift like his Daddy as he seems more active late at night! As far as I am concerned, feeling him kicking last night for the first time means that another part of the journey has started. He seems strong and is growing well, and Hayley is getting huge! All good signs as far I am concerned.
I never got to feel Nathan kicking, and we're now at the same stage when we lost Nathan. I'm full of strange emotions and feelings. I feel guilty because I never felt Nathan moving and I feel like I shouldn't be getting excited when I feel Sunshine move, but that wouldn't be fair on Sunshine or Hayley, nor is it fair on Nathan. He wouldn't want his Mummy or Daddy feeling like this.
I'm pretty sure that Hayley is under the impression that I don't think much of what has happened and what is happening, never mind what is going to happen. I try to occupy my mind with other things, and I know I can get wrapped up in my own world sometimes. If I think too much I will go nuts, fact.
I try to keep Hayley cheerful and up-beat, but it's hard at times. Sometimes I don't help matters and can be grumpy, but that's life I suppose, but she knows that I am here for her and I know she's there for me. We are a great support for each other and I love her very much.
It's been very hard writing this. I can write no problem about other stuff, but being a typical man I struggle to write personal stuff. I just hope Hayley understands why I don't write as much as I really should in here. She's done a fantastic job with the blog.
Anyway, I felt Sunshine for the first time last night! WooooHoooo!
Happy birthday
1 month ago
1 comment:
i'm so happy u got to feel him from the outside, but so sad u never got feel Nathan, i never felt him from the outside either, but i guess on a positive note seeing we're at the same stage as when Nathan was born, does it mean Sunshine is stronger than Nathan, which will be a good thing in the long run, Nathan was so poorly n couldn't be helped and even though he was strong as anything with his punches he wasn't strong enough to feel from outside, so maybe because he was so pooryl, hope that makes sense n that from Sunshines case it's a good thing, we all love u so much xxx
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