Happy 1st Birthday Sunshine....Dear Lewis

we celebrated Lewis's 1st birthday, it was emotional and stressful lol just can't believe our baby is 1, well i say baby he's not so much that anymore either, Mr Independent is our Lewis xx

To my beautiful, amazing Sunshine Warrior, Lewis
my gawd i just love you so so so so much, i look back on everything you've been through this past year and my heart just bursts with pride everytime i look at you, you are my reason for getting up in the morning, your constant beautiful big smiles just make my life worthwhile. You are our massive ray of sunshine, shining through our darkest days, our little miracle. I believe with everything that's happened to us, you weren't supposed to make it either, but despite ALL your odds YOU DID, YOU KICKED CDH BUTT. that in itself is truly amazing.
Watching you this morning sitting playing with your new toys chattering away as if you're having a full blown conversation with them, dancing and singing to the musical ones, you ARE here and you ARE OURS and you ARE HERE TO STAY, i don't think i've ever believed that you've been here to stay, no1 knows what the future holds we know the risks of everything, that's what makes you special, and everything you've been through is what makes you who you are. you're such a stickler for your routine, the routine you've been in since NICU still stands today, through your own choice, you just won't have it any other way.
You won't be held and comforted when you get upset, because you got used to dealing with it by yourself because we couldn't lift you and hold you. You like and need your own space and bed when you're tired, because you got used to putting yourself off to sleep because again we couldn't lift you and rock you. You're so independent i don't feel like i do anything for you, it breaks my heart, But you're very happy, always have been, always smiling through everything.
I have no idea how we got through our pregnancy with you knowing how very poorly you were and knowing the battle that lay ahead for know, nothing could predict your survival, no1 knew how you would do till each day came, we didn't think you'd see your 1st xmas last year never mind your very 1st birthday this year. BUT YOU DID IT, you fought the battle and won :)
mummy and daddy love you soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much wee man

This was our song through the time i carried you

I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on

'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Somebody's gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

Keep on moving, keep climbing
Keep the faith, baby
It's all about, it's all about the climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith


And this was your song when you were born

You got wires, going in
You got wires, coming out of your skin
You got tears, making tracks
I got tears, that are scared of the facts

Running, down corridors through, automatic doors
Got to get to you, got to see this through
I see hope is here, in a plastic box
I've seen christmas lights, reflect in your eyes

You got wires, going in
You got wires, coming out of your skin
There's dry blood, on your wrist
Your dry blood on my fingertip

Running, down corridoors through, automatic doors
Got to get to you, got to see this through
First night of your life, curled up on your own
Looking at you now, you would never know

I see it in your eyes, I see it in your eyes
You'll be alright
I see it in your eyes, I see it in your eyes
You'll be alright

Alright

Running, down corridors through, automatic doors
Got to get to you, got to see this through
I see hope is here, in a plastic box
I've seen christmas lights, reflect in your eyes
down corridors, through automatic doors
Got to get to you, got to see this through
First night of your life, curled up on your own
Looking at you now, you would never know. ((((((so true))))))