38+4 it,s nearly Tuesday

can't believe i'm now counting down just a few days now, this day has always just seemed so far off, i kind of go from 'right let's just do this get this horrible journey on the road so we can get through it and bring our wee man home, but that changes in the space of seconds to the ultimate fear, 'omg i'm so not ready for this, let's just keep him in there, but i guess no matter how many days or months away it is, i'll NEVER be ready, i'm just trying to concentrate on seeing his beautiful face, though it won't be as clear as i'd like, wires/tubes etc i'm hoping that after the initial shocks i'll see him as though they aren't even there.

I just wish the fact he's been stable with 'good' LHR until now was an indication of he'll do, but no matter what and how good or bad he's been doing since diagnosis, no1 can ever tell us he'll be ok, i don't want to just sit and wait out each minute/hour/day and see what it brings, i just need to know, but it's just 1 of them things we can't know.

I know he'll be in the best possible hands i have all my faith and trust split between my Angels looking after their brother and the hospital at Yorkhill, i know they'll all do absolutely everything they can for Sunshine, and i know every1 is just holding out to hear he's doing ok and to finally see his beautiful face and finally learn his real name.

I guess i want to take this opportunity to thank a few people for everything as we approach the end of the very long and hard pregnancy journey, Leigh for 'sharing' the journey with me, keeping me laughing at her blondeness and getting me addicted to cafeworld on facebook lol, Rachel, Caroline, Lynley, Sarah and Gemma, who all, sadly have CDH angels, for letting me rant and cry and for helping me with information etc has helped me more than they'll know, also the people i've 'met' and email who's CDH babies have been treated in Yorkhill and are now all home and doing well, which has been a great comfort to know, they've all helped me gain so much trust in the hospital.

Our local SANDS group, where we've attented the meetings every month since we lost Nathan, their support is just amazing beyond words.

And to CHERUBS for the lovely parcel i received yesterday containing the amazing totebag and to every1 who donated items for this in honour or in memory of their cherubs.

My mum for everything but mostly for loving my babies as much as i do, all of them not just the 1 who's still here.

Last but not least my wonderful hubby, for everything, i know you're scared too, i love you so much xx

I'm sure i'll be back with more thanks when we approach the end of the hospital journey xx

Well i just realised today is the last day we can have together, the 3 of us with Sunshine still safely tucked up, hubby workin all weekend, his last night being sunday night and i'll have all my last minute bits to do on monday, ready for going in on tuesday, and monday night will be our last night together cuddling Sunshine in bed seeing as Rickys not allowed to stay at the hospital on tuesday night :(, hopefully we can go and do something together today just the 3 of us on our last day together.

I'm not sure i'll be updating again before Sunshine is here, but will do my best to update as often as i can and post a pic of the beautiful Sunshine.

Hayley xxx